Brief Humor

Before you criticize a man, first walk a mile in his shoes. Then, after you've criticized him, you'll be a 
mile away from him, and you'll have his shoes too!

Whether English or French will be the international language is no longer a question; it’s a fait accompli.

There are two rules for success: (1) Don’t tell everything that you know.

She criticized my apartment, so I knocked her flat.

I bought a book titled "How to Hug" at a garage sale. When I got home, I found that it was volume 11 of the 
World Book Encyclopedia.

Anne Wolfe reserved a hotel room by phone.  When she arrived, she found that the reservation had 
been made for "Ann Withany and Wolf Withany."

It's ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I wonder how much higher the ocean would be without sponges.

There are basically three kinds of people in the world: those that can count to three, and those that can't.

When you were a block away, I thought you were your brother,
but as you got closer, I could see that is was you.
But now that you stand here beside me, I see that you are your brother!

"Everyone that believes in telekinesis, raise my hand."

Life without geometry would be pointless.

Robert Wilson, the "human cannonball" for the Barnum and Bailey circus, quit yesterday after 
sustaining his second injury in three weeks. "We have no immediate replacement for Bob," said 
a spokesman for the circus. "We're not sure we can find a man of his caliber."

"I got a great new hearing aid."
"Really? What kind is it?"
"Um... about 7:30."

Customer:  I'll have coffee with sugar, no cream.
Waitress:    I'm sorry sir.  We're out of cream.
Customer:  Do you have milk?
Waitress:    Yes.
Customer:  Then I'll have it without milk.

    I was golfing with Dan Frisk, a friend that happens to be a lawyer, and I asked him about a bill I had 
received.  I said, "I was having dinner with Hal Richards the other night and asked him about a lump on 
my head.  He felt it and said it was just a cyst—nothing to worry about.  Three days later I got a bill for 
$200 from him for a medical diagnosis.  Can he get away with that?" 
    "He sure can," said Dan. "He's a doctor, and he can charge for his expert opinion.  It's his living, and 
he can't start doing his practice for free."    
    Three days later I got a bill for $300 from Dan for legal advice.