Neologisms
New Meanings for Old Words: (from the Washington Post annual Neologism Contest)
Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much
weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever
having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while
drunk.
Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which
you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.
Shiftless (Adj.) describes people too lazy to
use upper-case letters in their e-mail.
Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you
up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing
adopted by proctologists.
Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his
conversation with Yiddishisms.
Peripatetic (n.), One who wanders around aiding
the pitiful.
Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of
boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
New Words for Old Meanings:
Frisbeetarianism (n.). The belief that, when
you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Aquadextrous (adj). Possessing the ability to turn the
bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
Carperpetuation (n.) The act, when vacuuming, of running
over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching
over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down
to give the vacuum one more chance.
Disconfect (v.) To sterilize the piece of candy you
dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow
remove all the germs.
Elbonics (n.) The actions of two people maneuvering for
one armrest in a movie theater.
Frust (n.) The small line of debris that refuses to be
swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the
room until she finally decides to give up and sweep it under the
rug.
Lactomangulation (n.) Manhandling the "open
here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to
resort to the "'illegal" side.
Peppier (pehp ee ay') (n.) The waiter at a fancy
restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking
diners if they want ground pepper.
Phonesia (n.) The affliction of dialing a phone number and
forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
Pupkus (n.) The moist residue left on a window after a dog
presses its nose to it.
Implowed (adj.) Trapped by packed snow pushed
into the driveway by a passing snow plow.
Telecrastination (n.) The act of always letting the phone
ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only
six inches away.
Awkword (n.) A word that is difficult to pronounce.
(example: "similarly")
Anecdotage (n.) Advanced age where all one does is relate stories about "the good old days."