Advice for Newcomers to Texas
(or for those who need to understand Texans better)
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be
instructed later how to use it.
2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.
5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular or plural. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
7. Do not yell at any person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone in the middle of the road; remember many folks here learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.
8. If you hear a redneck exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!".....get out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
9. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the companion phrases "You call this hot? Wait'll August."
10. If you do think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down in December.
11. There are no delis. Don't ask
12. In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar.
13. Chili does NOT have beans in it.
14. Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven.
15. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.
16. We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and Summer!
17. A Mercedes Benz is NOT a status symbol; a Ford F-150 is (or for some an F-350).
18. If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can be certain they are.
19. If you fail to heed the warning in #18 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it.
20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask.
21. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.
22. Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really mean to say is 'margarita.'
23. If you don't understand our passion for college and high school football just keep your mouth shut.
24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but rather the availability of shade.
25. If you see a slower moving vehicle pull on to the shoulder to let others pass, that is called "courtesy". It's the way we drive.
26. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hotdogs outdoors.
27. No matter what you've seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular weekend pastime.
28. "Tea" = Iced Tea. There is no other kind.
29. Everything goes better with Ranch dressing.